i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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