my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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