I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
