They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
