sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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