Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
