I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
