my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
