he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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