Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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