sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
