just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
