A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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