Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
