you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
