i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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