i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
