Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
