covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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