Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
