I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
