I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
