so explain again why im purple
no
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
