and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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