Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
