I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
