MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
