i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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