u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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