She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
