im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
