I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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