If i come over, it means nothing
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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