White coat. Heels.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
