mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
