Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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