How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
