Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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