Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize