Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
