God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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