let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
