Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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