New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
