I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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