He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sober January is a disaster.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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