I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
