you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
