Pappa wants mamma naked
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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