he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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