i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
