Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
