it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She said her name was "party"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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