you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
