i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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