Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i've created a new STD.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
