Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
