Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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