you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
