we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
