Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
