So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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