It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
