Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
