What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
