So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
