Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
