there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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