i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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